Men's Ministry Sucks

Last Saturday, I went to a local men's ministry breakfast. I was asked to speak while guys were chewing on lukewarm eggs, burnt bacon and other somewhat delicious(?) foods. Not surprisingly, attendance was small. 6 to 7 guys. The leader of the group seemed frustrated and discouraged. He has poured himself into men's ministry. He really wants it to work. When you lead men's ministry week after week, month after month and only a few guys show up, it can be very discouraging. In my opinion, men's ministry is the bastard child or the ugly kid at the dance in most churches.

Usually enthusiastic dudes will come back from Promise Keepers or some other big time men's event chock full of ideas about how they are going to start or pump up men's ministry at their church. Their enthusiasm is removed quickly by pastors or other church leaders who look at them and say,"We've done that before" or "That will never work" or "We don't have the money for that!" That kind of discouragement will never make anyone want to run up Hamburger Hill.

Then comes another challenge. How in the heck do you motivate men to do anything other than scratch themselves? Men are pooped. They have been asked to do things for everyone and they are completely worn out. Weeknights are tough because men just gave everything to their jobs and they have nothing left. Weekends? Are you insane? Soccer games, honey-do lists and the Patriots. Don't you dare ask them to do one other thing on the weekends. They are already being forced at gunpoint to go to church.

Here is yet another challenge of men's ministry. Lack of leaders. I've experienced it and I saw it last Saturday morning. One or two guys have a passion for men's ministry. They lead. They facilitate. They organize. They promote and market. They invite. They get really, really burned out. Guess what? These men who have a passion for men's ministry and actually do the work are the few, the proud and the brave. If these men's ministry leaders get hit by a semi or eat something bad at the church potluck, the men's ministry will die a quick death.

Pastors and church leaders, if you have a man who is passionate about men's ministry, support and encourage him. If there is a men's ministry event, show up. Don't treat men's ministry like it's a pain in your backside. Find some money in your budget to support men's ministry. Take some cash out of the women's ministry in your church. Women's ministry has always had more than enough support and encouragement at most churches. Prioritize men's ministry for a change.

I have noticed that men are gathering in other places. There is a Panera near my home. Ever since the place opened up, I have seen a group of 4 to 5 men who meet for coffee, bear claws and conversation nearly every Saturday and Sunday morning. They call themselves the "Old Farts Club". What is it that drives men to Panera, Lowe's, Home Depot or the local bar and not men's ministry events. On Sunday afternoon, I couldn't believe me eyes. There is a new Philly Cheese Steak place that just opened and it was slammed full of men. Yelling, Screaming, Cheering on their favorite football team. I don't know about you but I don't remember men enthusiastically yelling, cheering, screaming or having an actual, authentic good time at most church or men's ministry events.

What the heck can be done about men's ministry? Can it be saved or will it continue to suck?

Would someone please pass the eggs?

Mr. Cruddy Christ Impersonator

My son is on the swim team and he had a swim meet this weekend. Yesterday while I was sitting on my butt watching the swim meet I heard over the loudspeaker that parents were needed to help out with timing the races. I got out of my lawn chair and lumbered over to the volunteer desk. When I got to the desk I announced to everyone that I was going to save the day by being one of the official timers. No one was impressed. Someone told me where to go, I took my post and I began my duties. It wasn't long before I was grumbling and complaining to myself. And because what I was feeling was so damned important, I began griping to the other parent I was working with.

"It's hot. It's raining. I'm getting splashed. Why hasn't anyone brought me some water or something to eat? Isn't anyone going to give us a break? Why hasn't anyone told me how wonderful I am to be a parent volunteer?"

Then came the last straw. One of the kids from the swim meet asked me a question. I told him I didn't have the answer. He looked at me and said, "You shouldn't be doing this if you can't answer questions!" I gave the kid my world famous "hairy eyeball" and said, "Dude, you need to learn how to talk with respect to adults!" The kid didn't walk away because he suddenly began respecting me. He walked away because I was being an official ass and dork.

Today as I write this post I am confirming something about myself. Whenever I volunteer at church, at the swim meet or at home, I feel that I deserve something. I want applause, ticker tape parades and my name in lights. At the swim meet while I was volunteering I was basically pissed because no one came over and bowed at my feet. Why shouldn't they. I'm so amazing. Look at me. I am so giving of my extremely valuable talents and time. I wasn't mad at the kid for being disrespectful of me. I was angry because no one put a crown on my head or knighted me. Today I feel bad about the kid I snapped at and the parent I was working with who today probably thinks I am a jerk.

Jesus came to this earth to serve and expected nothing in return. As a matter of fact, Jesus walked willingly to the cross and gave his life to save each and everyone of us.

Whoever wants to be great must become a servant. Whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave. That is what the Son of Man has done: He came to serve, not be served—and then to give away his life in exchange for the many who are held hostage." (Matthew 20, The Message)

The last thing I thought about at the swim meet was serving others. I went to a swim meet this weekend and expected people to feed me grapes and rub my feet.

Just call me "Mr. Cruddy Christ Impersonator".

"If Ephesians says to imitate Christ, why do we look so much like the world?"---Todd Agnew

Want to see some other Cruddy Christ Impersonators? Check out this post from the Jesus Needs New PR blog.

Messed Up Guest Post: "Broken Hearts"

Richard and Linda are grieving and mourning over the loss of their son Garrett. He died on Monday. Garrett's funeral is Saturday at First United Methodist Church in Port Orange, FL. It starts at 4pm. Today my friend Russell posted this prayer on his blog.

"Father, thank You for friends during times of need. All love originates from You, but it often arrives through the actions of Your sons and daughters. Father, there is a lot of pain in Port Orange this week. Your love gives us peace, but our hearts are breaking for the loss of Garrett and for the suffering of his family. We cry out to You, Father, give us peace, but stir our spirits to never forget. We ask Your forgiveness, we could have done more. We lean on and cry out to You in Jesus name."

Matthew 5:4: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

Garrett is Dead and I feel Selfish

I don't know much about how Garrett died. Yesterday he was found dead in a motel room somewhere in the Daytona Beach, FL area. I do know a little about how he lived. I wrote about Garrett in this post. I do know that Garrett struggled. He struggled with so many things. I had the opportunity to know him during the last part of his life here on earth. Several months ago, I remember him coming to church while he was a part of a Christian rehab program. He was so on fire for God. I thought maybe, just maybe, Garrett had tackled the demons in his life. I remember thinking that he had so much potential to win so many people to Jesus. Garrett left the rehab program and soon it was apparent that he was slipping back into his former life. Just a few days ago, I felt led to call Garrett. I didn't. Today I feel regret about that. It reminds me how important it is to call someone when God lays that on my heart. When I talked to Garrett it was always frustrating. He didn't take responsibility. He made excuses. He blamed others. I had a difficult time understanding him. He was a white guy who was always trying to sound like a gangster. Most of the time when I talked to him I wasn't very loving. I got in his face. I probably wasn't very kind to him. Maybe I could have been more of a listening ear.

Just a few days ago, I should have called Garrett but I didn't. I didn't call him because he was annoying to me. On the day after someone dies, that sounds like a pretty lame excuse. I think it sounds very selfish.

You'll Get Burnt At Church

I've been Burnt In Church. Have you? Below you'll find a guest post from Josiah Potter. I didn't ask for his permission to post this. I found his post at Anne Jackson's blog. I didn't ask her permission either. So with that in mind, please quickly read Josiah Potter's guest post below before the authorities ask me to take it off my blog. Yipes! Maybe I'm Burning Josiah and Anne by not asking for permission to post this? You should read this post quick!

Blessed are the Peacemakers

It’s no secret that if you work at a church you will get burnt one day.

I’m talking about a deep wounding that is inflicted from someone you look to as either a mentor, elder or spiritual authority.

My dad got burnt by the church. My wife’s father got burnt by the church. Anne has been burnt by the church. I have recently been burnt by the church and I continue to hear heartbreaking stories from pastors around the nation staggering through the same valley.

When people hear these stories they are blown away. The western church has fallen into a dangerous niche where we elevate certain men and women to sinless standard because they teach from God’s Word on Sunday mornings.

These men and women are filthy sinners just like you and me. They need Jesus just like you and me. They are subject to their own sinful nature yet we place them on a pedestal and then are amazed when they fall from it!

The reactionary trend has been to respond to getting burnt by being angry and afraid. The enemy loves is when we live in fear. If we surrender to those things we ignore direct commands from Jesus Christ.

God revealed to me last Friday that He wants me to be the peacemaker in my ‘burnt situation.’

I don’t want to be the peacemaker. Everything in me and everyone around me tells me not to darken the door of the church. Going and making peace scrapes against everything I’ve been taught about being a man, not backing down and the resistance has been bruising my spirit in the way a street-fighter’s fist collides with the pavement after his opponent dodges the attempted blow.

But God told me to be the peacemaker so I will make peace.

I will go to them this week, ask forgiveness for any wrong I have done against them, tell them I forgive them for the wounds they have inflicted and make peace.

This isn’t a prideful attempt to steal glory or even draw sympathy to myself because of my situation. This is done out of obedience to a Holy God who’s Son taught us to live in peace in a very functional and contagious way.

Romans 12:18
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Mark 9:50
“Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with each other.”

I don’t know how my offering of peace will be received. I am trusting God to handle that part. I do know, however, that one day I will stand before Jesus Christ and He will ask me if I made peace with them and I will be able to respond.

Yes. I did.

What is your story?
Were you burnt?
Did you make peace?

What's The Best Thing You'll Do Today?

What's The Best Thing You'll Do Today? Check out the photo above. It's proof of the best thing I'll do today. I did it first thing this morning with my son Devon. Each day, before school, we are walking together. Today he said something so simple and it hit me square in the middle of my heart. As we were walking towards the school Devon grabbed my hand and said, "Dad, it's so great to spend time with you."

4 Reasons I Love My Church

I Love My Church. It's called First United Methodist Church. You'll find it in Port Orange, FL. It's not perfect. As a matter of fact, it's really messed up but I love my church!

Why do I love my church? Here are 4 reasons.

Pastor Tom Nelson has an amazing heart. He likes it if you just call him "Tom". He doesn't look down on you if you don't call him "Reverend", "Father" or "Pastor". You don't need to kiss his ring or act like you're talking to a celebrity. He's got a crappy van and does not have a helicopter. He's also cool because he lived life before he became a pastor. He has been married, divorced and married again. Tom did a variety of jobs to make a living. As a pastor at this church he's got an extremely tough job. He has to make so many people happy. Before Tom started a little over a year ago, things weren't going so great at the church. As a matter of fact, things were pretty crappy. Through God, I really feel Tom has turned it around. I wouldn't want his job if I had a gun held to my head. Whatever they are paying him is not enough. He is a combination of tough and sensitive. His wife Michelle is great too. She doesn't look or act like she is the wife of a pastor. She is, for lack of a better word, “normal”. Pastor's wives can go either way. Way too cutting edge, runway model-like, nutty hairdos, lots of makeup and basically out of touch with most women. I am also thankful to see that Michelle does not do the “frumpy, I’ve got the weight of the world on my shoulders, I’m miserable and I am going to make sure you know it routine”. She actually seems to be supporting Tom without looking like a door mat and acting as though she is unhappy about what her husband is doing for a living.

Patrick our new worship pastor is great! He just started a couple of months ago. I love his enthusiasm and passion. He's around 25. When he was hired I was so happy because he wasn't un-hip and bald. He's got that worship pastor sticky up hairdo and he has tattoos. Young people can walk into our church for the very first time, take a look at Patrick and say, "Wow, this just might be a hip place to do church!" In a very short time, he has done some really adventurous things musically. I have also noticed that he is doing a great job when it comes to reaching out to people of all ages. Any worship pastor that can work with and hang out with the young and the old is amazing. Patrick is doing that.

Emily is our youth pastor. If you live in the Daytona Beach, FL area and you have kids, you need to check out what God is doing through Emily. Kids of all ages and backgrounds are coming to FUMC's youth group. Emily also has an extremely tough gig. She is successfully making parents and kids happy. One other thing I love about Emily. She is teaching the kids in youth group the importance of reaching out to the helpless and the hopeless.

They love me. Ask people I go to church with. Ask the people from the church I attended before this church. Ask my wife. I am not an extremely pleasant person to hang out with. I am really screwed up and messed up. I've got addictions. I am chock full of sin. I struggle with depression. I'm opinionated. I'm black and white. I think I know it all. I'm defensive. When I drink too much I get loud. I'm critical and judgmental. I cry when I'm happy or when I'm sad. I'm selfish and self centered. All that aside, I really feel that there are some people in my church that accept and love me even though I annoy them. One of the reasons that I describe my church as "messed up" is because I'm a member.

My church isn't perfect but I love my church. Why do you love your church?

If you'd like to visit my church you'll find out more info here: www.firstchurchpo.org