Tuesday, June 29, 2010

My Cracks and Crap

"Accountability is worthless if you aren't willing to be accountable."--Gary Lamb

When I am struggling, depressed, lonely, at the end of my rope or battling with one of my myriad of messy issues what is the last thing I want to do?

How about if I tell you the first thing I want to do?

Eat dozens of Dunkin Donuts. Drink myself into oblivion. Do something irresponsible. Yell and scream at all of the wrong people for all of the wrong reasons. Pull away from the people I love. Crawl into a cave. Isolate myself.

What is the last thing I want to do?

Call a friend or call out to God.

Why is this always the last thing I want to do? I will expose my weaknesses. Share the real me and the ugly truth. My cracks will show. I won't look like the perfect husband, father, friend or Christian anymore.

This week I plan on exposing my cracks and crap to a couple of trusted friends. It's going to be hard. It will be a little easier with God. He's already seen all of my cracks and crap. I don't know how my friends will handle it but I know how God will deal with it. With open arms, He'll offer me love, mercy and forgiveness.

"And he arose and came to his father. But while he was yet at a distance, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him." -- Luke 15:20


  1. At least you are going to attempt to share some of your "Cracks and Crap" with trusted friends. That says a lot about you and how seriously you take life and your recovery. Some of us can't even admit that we have crap to ourselves, to our family, and definitely not friends, not sure any are trusted enough.

    I Pray that I get to the point someday where I will take the hand of God, accept his "love, mercy and forgiveness" and open up to others as you do.

  2. It's actually not going to be as hard as you think if they're really friends of yours. When I admitted my addictions to my friends they were relieved that I was finally coming clean and trusted them. I'll pray for you.