My visit with a prostitute

I met Jo Lynn through my friends Ray and Susan Kelley. Ray and Susan are the amazing Christ followers behind The Daytona Outreach Center and the Messy Church. The first time I met Jo Lynn was when she became a part of The Daytona Outreach Center. See the YouTube clip below. At about 3:20 you'll see Jo Lynn tell her story of addiction and prostitution. At about 4:47 you'll see my friend Ray Kelley baptizing Jo Lynn after she accepted Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior.



(I invite you to watch the entire clip. It's a great way to see what God is doing through Ray and Susan Kelley.)

Unfortunately Jo Lynn didn't stay with The Daytona Outreach Center. She went back to the streets and her former life of prostitution and addiction. Today I was driving home and I saw Jo Lynn. I drove past her and felt compelled to turn around and find her. I found her sitting on a street corner. The Jo Lynn you see in the video was not the Jo Lynn I saw today. Today she was extremely skinny, she was wearing a bikini, her hair was a mess and her eyes looked horrible. As I walked up to her she looked at me as if I was one of her "dates" and then she realized who I was. "Mike, I hope you're not here to preach to me," she said. I said, "Jo Lynn I'm here to tell you that you are loved and valued." I can't describe the look on her face at that very moment. Her eyes filled with tears and she said, "Mike, you don't want to get high with me and have sex? You don't want anything from me?" I said again, "Jo Lynn I am here today to tell you that you are loved and valued." She said, "Everybody wants something from me and as long as they have money I'll give it to them." Then Jo Lynn and I simply sat and talked. As I was getting ready to leave I asked her if she needed anything. "I could use a cup of ice", she said. I drove Jo Lynn to the nearby convenience store and got her a cup of ice. Before I got in my truck I told her again, "Jo Lynn you are loved and valued." She gave me the biggest hug. It was a hug that nearly split me in two and I thought she was never going to stop. I made a promise to Jo Lynn today. Every time I see her I am going to stop and tell her that she is loved and valued.

"Some, including myself, would call Jo Lynn a prostitute and an addict but I like calling her my friend."

The Early Stages of Divorce

I've experienced a variety of things during the early stages of divorce. Here are a few of them:

It’s weird for other people too.
Yes, I am going through the process of divorce but so are others. My wife, son, daughter, our family and friends are dealing with our divorce. It’s interesting to see how family and friends are responding. Some have reached out to me via email. Others have picked up the phone. Some have remained silent. Family and friends subliminally pick sides. Friends that talked to me before aren't talking to me anymore. My wife’s family has not reached out to me since we made our divorce public. I'm not sure if and how my family has reached out to my wife so I can't speak to that. During the divorce process you learn who your real friends are.

(If you're a family member or friend who has not reached out and you are reading this, it's okay. I understand how weird this must be for you.)

Bad Brings Good
Prior to the divorce I had a pretty crappy, non-existent relationship with my daughter. When my daughter found out she called and comforted me. She invited me to my grandson's first birthday party. My daughter and I have been talking several times a week. I've never talked this much to my sister and brother. They've been checking in on me almost daily. My sister is flying me up to North Carolina at the end of October for a visit. I've renewed my friendship with Ray and Susan Kelley. I'm so thankful for that.

Church and Couples
So many people knew my wife and I as a couple. We don't get together with those people anymore. The weekly bible study. Going out to dinner. Being invited over to their homes. My friend Russell still invites me to the weekly bible study at his house. I'm not going. It's nothing personal. Hanging out with other married couples doesn't feel good right now.

So many people knew us as a couple at church too. I'm not going to church on Sunday. I've talked to my pastor about this. Church seems weird right now. When you're in the process of divorce where do you sit? 3 seats away from your wife? In the other section? I've been going to the Messy Church on Saturday nights and have really enjoyed it. My friends Ray and Susan Kelley are the pastors.

Act Like Nothing is Going On
This is the suggestion part of this post. When you know someone that is going through divorce, death or tragedy and you know about it, don't act like nothing is going on. Don't run into them and talk about the weather. Don't see them in church and walk past them. Don't ignore them. Don't be silent. Please reach out to them. Tell them you love them and that you are there for them. Your silence and distance hurts. Earlier this week a friend of mine found out about the divorce by reading this blog. She called me on the phone, said she was sorry and started to cry. I'll always remember that. I'm thankful for my friends Russell, Michael, Richard, Elaine, Jane, Dana, Christie, Christine and Jennifer. They tweet, chat, email or call me almost everyday to ask how I am doing. I've also been blow away by so many of my friends from Twitter. I've lost count of how many of them have reached out to me when I needed it the most. As I was going to bed the other night I checked the email on my phone and found a note from my cousin Tracy:

"Hi there, cousin! I just wanted to let you know tonight, that you've been on my heart the past couple of weeks, and I thought it was important that I share that with you. I don't know any details of your situation, but I somehow stumbled upon your blog and was brought to tears reading about some of your struggles. I know it sounds cliche and you are probably hearing the same thing from a hundred different people...but, for what it's worth, I am praying for you, Mike, and I love you dearly."

With God's help all of us we'll get through this messy thing called divorce.

...We're still too full of ourselves

I have always admired my friend @KatDish. She like so many others have reached out to me in my darkest hours. She left the comment below in response to one of my recent blog posts.

My friend and pastor wrote a series of posts entitled "Full". In part one, he talked about the "God-shaped hole" concept we often use to describe our tendency to fill ourselves up with everything except for God. I found his research interesting:

"What is it then that this desire and this inability proclaim to us, but that there was once in man a true happiness of which there now remain to him only the mark and empty trace, which he in vain tries to fill from all his surroundings, seeking from things absent the help he does not obtain in things present? But these are all inadequate, because the infinite abyss can only be filled by an infinite and immutable object,that is to say, only by God Himself."

-Blaise Pascal - The Pensées
#425, Section VII. From "Morality and Doctrine"

Unless I'm mistaken, this is the actual passage that has been reduced to "Everybody has a God-shaped hole in their life." Even if it's not, I'm glad I found it, because this statement more accurately describes the kind of longing that I have known. I know without a doubt that the absence of God in my life would not produce a "God-shaped hole." Instead, it would leave me with a massive, gaping wound from which the entirety of myself as I know it would be drained. Without God I would be empty.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I (Jesus) have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." - John 10:10

So why is it then, that someone can be a Christ-follower and agree that they would be empty without God, but also have to admit that they don't exactly feel full with Him?

Maybe we don't feel "full" of God because we're still too full of ourselves.

You'll find more of the great KatDish at her blog.

Take A Load Off

This morning after coffee at Denny's, a man I respect walked out to the parking lot with me. His name is Richard.

Richard asked me a question. He said, "Mike, I know you are going through a bunch of stuff right now. Are you figuring anything out about yourself?"

I said, "Richard, I have horrible self esteem issues. I feel like I have a hole in the middle of me. For years I have been filling that hole with all of the wrong things. Food, alcohol, legal drugs, work, ministry, people's approval, just about anything I can cram into my hole. It might fill the hole for a moment, a day or a few months but the hole returns." I continued, "Yes, I know what those crazy Christ followers will say. Fill it with Jesus Mike. Fill it with Jesus. That sounds good but I'm not there yet. Richard, I want to sincerely learn that I can fill that hole in the middle of me with Jesus."

Richard looked at me with tears in his eyes. He said, "Mike, first of all you'll never believe how much you and I struggle with the same issues. But most of all I can't believe what you just said. I've known you for awhile and I'm concerned about you. I knew I had to share my heart with you. You said exactly the same stuff I was going to share with you. God had you open up and share it with me instead. I know it sounds weird but you just took a load off my shoulders. You did that by being honest and open with me."

Richard hugged me and wiped his eyes. We both got into our cars and drove away.

Honesty + Transparency = a load off of you and possibly someone else.

Did You Believe That I Loved You?

My friend @katdish sent me the following tweet and the video below:

"Good thing it's not about being good, it's about being loved in our brokenness."



"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

What if Kimberly came to your church?

I've been digging Netflix. Why? I love documentaries and Netflix is rocking a truckload of of them. Here is one I suggest you watch. It's called "Prodigal Sons". See the movie trailer below.



After the gender switch and several years away from her home town, the movie begins with Kimberly making a decision to go to her class reunion. Her former classmates accept Kimberly, her girlfriend and the decision she has made.

What if Kimberly came to your church? Would you accept, welcome and love her?

I remember a sad story told to me and others during a Christian retreat. A person changed their gender from a man to a woman. Several years after making the gender change this person became a Christian and was led to find a church community. Why was this a sad story? It was extremely difficult for this person to find a church that would accept someone who has changed their gender. The story ended the same way it started. A person without a church community.

What if Kimberly came to your church? Could she play in the worship band? Could she lead a Bible study? Would she come one Sunday and never come back again?

What if Kimberly came to your church?

Don't Hide Your Story

“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” -- Nelson Mandela

I've done my share of moping and feeling sorry for myself the past several weeks. I'm pretty sure that I'm officially ready to move forward, dust myself off and stop doing stupid stuff. My friend Fatha Frank posted stories about men who lost everything and didn't give up. The post lead me to do some YouTube video research about the song "It Is Well With My Soul".

At the beginning of the video below you'll see a quote from Helen Keller:

"The world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming it."

Helen Keller was deaf and blind. She didn't give up. The man behind the song "It Is Well With My Soul" didn't give up after losing his fortune and his family. I am going through the process of divorce. It inspires me when I hear about others who have gone through hell and never gave up. One of my co-workers is going through marriage separation after he found out his wife was having an affair. I've been silent about my divorce at work. That changed yesterday when I took my suffering co-worker aside and told him about what I am going through. His mood lifted. His eyes brightened. His burden was lightened. He appreciated knowing that he wasn't the only one going through marriage struggles.

Don't hide your story. Your dirty, messy, ugly story will inspire others. It will also help others to feel like they aren't alone.