Thursday, December 23, 2010
You're Not A Failure
I'm going to be honest with you. I've been battling with feelings of failure. My second marriage ended this year. My son moved to WA state with his mom. I battle feelings of failure when I try to figure out how to be a father to a son that lives nearly 3,000 miles away. Even though I constantly battle against the tapes in my head that call me a failure, God is always there whispering and at times yelling to me, "Mike, you're not a failure!"
My homeless friend Norm invited me to a memorial service for homeless men and women who have died while living on the streets. After the service, Norm introduced me to someone by saying, "I'd like you to meet my dear friend Mike Ellis." It was hard not to cry when I realized that Norm considers me his friend.
After the memorial service, I went to an AA meeting. At this meeting I admitted that I'm an alcoholic and that I shouldn't drink anymore(I've been sober since Sunday). At the end of the meeting I walked up to receive my "surrender" chip. The man who handed it to me said,"Mike, you will win this war. Here is my phone number. Call me if you need help during the battle."
After the AA meeting and memorial service, my blogging and social media friend Michael Perkins called me to simply say, "Mike, I'm heading to the church for a prayer gathering. What can I pray about for you?" I shared a couple of things with Michael and then we cried together on the phone. Then he said, "Whenever you need me I'm here for you."
After years of doing a less than a lackluster job of being a father to my daughter, I'm getting a second chance. On Christmas morning I'll be with my daughter and my grandson. I sent my daughter a text last week. I thanked her for giving me a second chance at being her father. She sent me a text back that said, "You're the only father I have. Thanks for wanting to take a second chance at being my father. I love you."
As I write this post I don't feel like a failure. Why? Over and over again through the people He has placed in my life God tells me a different story.
If you're feeling like a failure God has a different story He'd like to share with you.